Garfield: Do I have to?

Camera Guy: YES! We're scraping the bottom of the barrel for commentators here…

Burgyone: I resent that crack!!

Garfield: Ah, get over it. We're stuck with this job and that is that.

Burgyone: Well I'm getting paid lousy, what about you?

Garfield: About 750 pounds of free food…

Burgyone: Really? Working that cheap nowadays?

Garfield: Ah, shad-up! We've got quite an audience for this fight.

Burgyone: That we do, Dinobot, Meowth, Jessie, James, almost all the Bizarre Bloodbath contenders, and various extras from all three sci-fi series.

Garfield: Seems like a lot of people want to see these guys beat each other up.

Burgyone: Ok. Now, what would they do right about now?

Garfield: Um…Viewer response I believe.

Lynx: This is some fight, and to go over it all at once would be too confusing, so let's break it down:

Kahless: He has been seen to battle both Z and Thunderbolt, and generally win. It was also demonstrated that he could take Z's best shot. However, his attacks are short ranged with a Bat'leth, which will be a problem for him unless he finds a way to keep the battle in a confined area.

Z: We've seen him Regenerate, throw force bolts and fly. He also has non-Federation contacts (See the tech level of his equipment). His regeneration and extreme range in battle will prove key, as will his other abilities.

Thunderbolt: Although he has been seen to (albeit not single handed) fight an ISD, that was with Z's weapons. His capabilities without them, as he will doubtless be in this fight, are unknown for the most part, however obviously inferior or he would not have used the others. He is in the advantage over the others due to extreme speed.

Question Mark the Exclamation Point: Very little is known about him, save that he likes Confusion. His abilities are most likely comparable to those of Z, however it is doubtful that he is as conniving.

Overall: Although Kahless is able to endure more punishment and hit harder, his range will be his downfall. Z has beaten T-bolt at times, and I think he can do the same to Question Mark.

Carnagefreak: Z........hypnotized me...................into voting for him................must, drop, pantaloons..............
Kahless: Z you cheater! It is without honor to go around hypnotizing voters!! You die.

Daki: It is the classic case of Tom and Jerry. Z has tried for so long to kill Kahless and the frustration keeps building. We've seen it from Marvin the Martian when he finally snapped after not being able to take over the world by the MiB and he ended up beating the holy hell out of them.

Something inside Z shall snap and he will blast all the others into another dimension of pain and suffering.
Z: MWAHAHAHA!! I've got support!

Mark Piper: You're having Kahless fighting who?? Nothing will stand in the way of a Klingon in his path to an honorable victory. Especially if Kahless parties before the match with a few mugs of bloodwine. NO ONE fights better than a drunk klingon! Not teens with shoddily drawn weapons and super powers OR a star fighter-like thing.. uh.. hey. What's the big idea putting a starfighter in a match like this anyway? Oh well, now we get to see what a Bat'leth does to a few feet of steel! Heh heh heh....
Editor: Uhhh…Kahless, Z, Thunderbolt…you know, the commentators?

D. Merzel: Thunderbolt will win/mangle/destroy.
1) Is a aerospace fighter. Speed mach 5+, enough firepower to stop another fighter.
2) Klingons although good at close combat can't jump high enough to grab something in the stratosphere.
3) Z is obviously from some plane more distant than Q. In B5/ semi-real universe he will be weaker and cant jump into orbit
4) ? the ! looks like a jedi. Jedi although capable of moving large masses have a hard time doing such in combat (lock on time.) also while good jumpers still cant jump into orbit.
Thunder bolt comes screaming down from orbit and unleases a massive barrage of enhanced PPG fire. Kahless just takes it (more than that is necessary to stop a klingon warrior) while the other two duck. Thunderbolt rearms with atomics and napalm. Returns to the battle while the others duke it out. A smoldering crater is the result.
Thunderbolt: Mwahahaha! Take that Z!!

Predator: Aw crap, this is a hard one to decide on! Well, Thunderbolt and "?" will attack each other right away and both get slaughtered. Then it's down to Kahless and Z. But Z's crazy enough to try anything, so he gets the win......this time.

Z: I'm the favorite! I'm the favorite!! Nah-nah-nah-nah!!

Burgyone: STOP INTERRUPTING THE VIEWER RESPONSES DAMN IT!!

Burgyone: And we're back! Galactic Anarchy's commentators are stepping into the arena.

Garfield: zzzzzzzzzz

Burgyone: Wha? Oh. Garfield, hey cat….WAKE UP!!

Garfield: YYAAAHH!!! *pants* Don't do that again!!

Burgyone: Don't fall asleep on the job again!!

Garfield: Yeah, whatever. Looks like all of the commentators are fighting…

Burgyone: With their fight managers… seems none of them like the idea of fair play. Except Kahless, he's kicking the guy around for suggesting that he cheat as well.

Garfield: I'm beginning to see why you quit.

Burgyone: It's not that, I just didn't have time. Just wish they could have dumped off my character more politely.

Garfield: The sci-fi rejects enter the arena area. They're getting ready to fight as the ref goes over the rules.

Z: You know what?

Ref: What?

? The !: Rules are for the sane!

Z: Thunderbolt, I think we can agree on this…

Thunderbolt: Referee flambé coming up! *BLAM!!*

Burgyone: Looks like Kahless is the only one with any interest in a clean fight here. Having wasted the referee they're free to cheat to hell and back.

Garfield: Not quite!

SMAAAASH!!!!!!

ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!

Burgyone: Godzilla just smashed them, they're dazed but ok… Godzilla's holding a sign? What's it say?

Garfield: It says….it says….ARG!! Cats can't read!!

Kahless: *yelling* Meowth seems to do it just fine!!

Garfield:…LOW BLOW!!!

Burgyone: Ah, the sign says, "Clean fight, minimal cheating. UNDERSTAND?!?!" Quite blunt.

Garfield: Looks like Z won't get to shunt them off into his torture dimension after all.

Burgyone: And Z gets the first shot! A sort of energy blasted in all directions from him knocking all the other fighters around!

Garfield: Um…*munch, munch* very *munch, munch* interesting *gulp!* What's the lizard doing?

Burgyone: Pig! How can you eat that freakin' much?!?!? Oh, Godzilla is having a little catnap.

Garfield: It's very easy, you just grab some food and eat it, grab some more food and eat it. And I envy the big guy.

Burgyone: Anyway, Thunderbolt is strafing the whole area with weapons fire! Kahless took a lot of blows before ducking behind cover while Question Mark and Z hid almost immediately.

Garfield: Z is pulling something out…

Burgyone: It looks like a chainsaw without a saw?

Garfield: He's pulling a rip-cord, just like you would with a chainsaw…

VVVRRRRRMMM!!!!!
A rounded extension made of light-saber energy comes out, and so do blades surrounding the extension, it is a "Light-Chainsaw."

Burgyone: Hmm, interesting. Z is laughing like a maniac and swinging the light chainsaw around.

Garfield: Z jumps up, and cuts into Thunderbolt's wing! Thunderbolt spins around and backs up before the light chainsaw can get all the way through! Thunderbolt fires a few rounds into Z's gut sending him flying backwards! Z's gonna land in the audience!!

Burgyone: And Kahless is pummeling Question Mark! The Klingon is hitting fast and hard! Question Mark seems to be regenerating a bit, but Kahless is inflicting damage too fast!

Z: Oops. Sorry.

Q: Not a problem, now get back in there and show 'em who's boss!

Garfield: And Z leaps back in with a fancy summersault, landing in between Kahless and Question Mark! An energy bolt sends Question Mark through a wall and he turns his light chainsaw on Kahless!

Burgyone: Kahless ducks, leaps to the side, dodges again, and connects a fist to Z's face!

Garfield: Thunderbolt and Question Mark are resuming that rivalry. Blasting energy at each other.

???: Hey! Garfield! It's me!

Garfield: WHA?! No! It can't be!!

Burgyone: huh?

Nermel: The world's CUTEST kitty cat!!

Garfield: Hundreds of years into the future, dozens of light years away, and IT STILL FINDS ME!!! AAARG!!!!

Burgyone: Awwww, he's soooo CUTE!!

Garfield: Burgyone?

Burgyone: Yeah?

Garfield: Did you know me and Meowth are actually getting along pretty well now? He even taught me something.

Burgyone: Really? What would that be?

Garfield: FURY SWIPES ATTACK!!! *scratches seven kinds of hell out of Burgyone*

Meowth: Dat's da ticket Garfield!!

Burgyone: OOOWW!!! *falls over* OOF!! *passes out*

Nermel: All right! I get to star in the show! I, the world's cutest kitty cat, will commentate, and all the people will get to see me!

Garfield: I don't think you want to. This is a fairly violent show.

Nermel: I'll change that! My presence will make everything so much cuter! And the camera won't be taken off of me!

Garfield: Oh no you don't!!! *stuffs Nermel in a box* Off to Abu-Dabi you go!

Nermel: GAAARRFIIIEEELD!!! This is SO not cute!!

Garfield: *walking to the mail slot* I know, don't worry. I hear Abu-Dabi is quite nice. *light bulb appears above his head* *snickers evilly* Ooooh. Mail comp, how much postage is required to deliver to the Klingon Homeworld?

Garfield soon adds on a lot more stamps and addresses Nermel to Kronos (I know that's not the correct spelling, but I don't care) then he puts Nermel in the mail slot.

Garfield: there! The Klingons will know how to treat him! *evil laugh*

Camera man: Burgyone? Burgyone? Ah great! Garfield! Did you kill him?

Garfield: Of course not, I'm just a cartoon.

Camera man: We were hoping we wouldn't have to do this…

Garfield: Do what?

Commentator-bot 2000: Hello, I am Commentator-bot 2000 here for your battle analysis needs.

Garfield: …wonderful… What are they up to?

Commentator-bot 2000: It would appear that Z is attempting to hypnotize Kahless, and Question Mark is attempting to hypnotize Thunderbolt.

Garfield: Kahless and Thunderbolt are turning to Question Mark and Z respectively. They sure look brainwashed…what are our ST-God-Beings up to?

? The !: Thunderbolt, ram him!!

Z: Kahless, head-butt!!

Commentator-bot 2000: The fighters Kahless and Thunderbolt are moving at high speeds on a collision course with each other.

CRASH!!!!

Garfield: Ow!! Thunderbolt is floating there dazed, but Kahless is decked out on the floor!!

Z: That's no good! Not even Kahless's head can break metal! Well…not modern ones anyway.

? The !: Thunderbolt, use any melee attacks you have!

Commentator-bot 2000: Several large bladed weapons have emerged from Thunderbolt's nose cone.

Garfield: Two really big swords! They're on the bottom and the blades point side-ways…making them very scissor-like…And two lance-style weapons are on the sides of his nose cone…looks deadly!!

Z: Ha! I can do better than that! Kahless, Bat'leth assault!

Garfield: Kahless is moving towards Thunderbolt…DOPE!! I just got the joke!! *groans*

Commentator-bot 2000: Yes, let us just be glad that the hypnotized fighters aren't saying their names over and over again. That would be a little too far.

Garfield: Anyway, Question Mark and Z continue to use their rivals like Pokemon…Thunderbolt tries to stab Kahless with the lance-like weapons but Kahless grabs them and bends them to the sides!

Commentator-bot 2000: Kahless takes out his Bat'leth and starts hacking away at Thunderbolt with lightning speed. Thunderbolt is parrying most blows and trying to get Kahless with the swords.

Garfield: Kahless cuts off on sword and lands a nasty blow on Thunderbolt's nose cone! Kahless snaps off the other sword and tears another cut into Thunderbolt! Thunderbolt zips forward knocking Kahless to the ground!

Burgyone: Ug…what happened?

Commentator-bot 2000: You were knocked unconscious by Garfield's attack.

Garfield: Z commands Kahless to use "Klingon Frenzy Attack" and Kahless leaps into the air, performing one of those gravity defying multiple kicks! Thunderbolt's kinetic shields are barely holding out!

Burgyone: scratch attack…OH NO!! My face!! It's all scratched up!! How am I supposed to get a date looking like this?!?!?

Commentator-bot 2000: I would suggest avoiding dates all together, it will avoid future disappointments on your part.

Burgyone: WHAT?!?!? *scraps Comm-bot* Stupid hunk of junk.

Garfield: Looks like Kahless and Z are coming out of their hypnotized trances, they look none-to happy!

Burgyone: Kahless is growling… and he throws his Bat'leth at Z with incredible force!

Garfield: Z puts up some kind of energy barrier and sends the Bat'leth back at Kahless at even faster speed!!

Burgyone: Kahless ducks, Thunderbolt dodges, but the Bat'leth slams right into Question Mark! Question Mark is down! Is he alive?

Garfield: It looks like he's moving a little, but that Bat'leth did MASSIVE damage!!

Burgyone: Question Mark teleports behind Z and smashes into him! Question Mark weighs a lot more and sends Z flying! Kahless and Thunderbolt move to the side.

Garfield: Looks like Thunderbolt is going to attack Kahless!

Burgyone: Kahless grabs Thunderbolt and slams him to the ground?! Whoa…

Kahless: Sit still! It's our turn to sit back and watch them fight!

Thunderbolt: huh? …oh! Ok, I can do that! Teach them for using us to fight for them!

Burgyone: Question Mark and Z are throwing all sorts of energy balls at each other

Garfield: While Kahless eats popcorn and sharpens his other bladed weapons, Thunderbolt is getting an oil refill and effecting some internal repairs.

Burgyone: Z has stopped firing and is putting up a shield of sorts…Question Mark continues to hit Z with everything he's got!

Garfield: Z's starting to glow! I think he's absorbing the energy from Question Mark!!

Burgyone: This ain't gonna be pretty…

Z summons a huge ball of energy, Garfield and Burgyone duck. Z starts to fire, Kahless leaps in, grabs his Bat'leth, and gets out of the way. Z's monster energy blast smashes into Question Mark.

Garfield: *looks up* whoa….smokin'!

Burgyone: Z is kicking Question Mark around, or what's left of him. Question Mark looks to be trying to heal, but Z seems to be stopping him!

Garfield: Kahless is applying bandages to his wounds and fiddling with a phaser. Thunderbolt is getting some cuts welded, and upgrading his computer system.

Burgyone: Z has pulled out his light chainsaw again and Question Mark just grew claws like that Wolverine super-hero!

VRRR--put-put-put…VRRRRR---put-put-put….VRRRR-RRRR--put-put-put.

Garfield: It looks like Z can't get his chainsaw started! He's pulling back as Question Mark slashes wildly!

Burgyone: Looks like Kahless and Thunderbolt are heading to rejoin the battle! Thunderbolt launches two missiles, both hit Z!!

Garfield: The Mini-gods with weird names are blasted backwards and Thunderbolt is heading for Question Mark! Kahless is naturally heading for Z!

Burgyone: Thunderbolt flies over Question Mark and fires three phaser shots into him!

Garfield: Z and Kahless are choking each other! Looks like they aren't accepting anything less than fatalities!

Burgyone: Thunderbolt fires two more missiles, both heading for Kahless and Z!!

BA-BOOOM!!!

Garfield: Kahless and Z are blown opposite directions! Z just crashed into a wall!!

Kahless: Great, now I'm in the stands too…

Xena: I suggest you get off of me. Not doing so could be bad for your health!

Kahless: No human intimidates the all mighty Kahless!!

Burgyone: Thunderbolt is now spinning around wildly firing off every weapon he has! Z, and Question Mark are tossed around like rag dolls as they're blasted around!! Kahless just took out Xena! Gee, that was quick.

Garfield: Kahless is making his way over to Thunderbolt, he leaps! And he's got Thunderbolt! He's trying to ground the star fury!

Burgyone: But Thunderbolt's not having any of it! He's flying….up…up…up… Kahless is still on him!

Garfield: Z is looking up and…running away?

VRRROOOOOM!!!

Burgyone: Z is in one of his high-tech fighters! He's going after Thunderbolt!

Garfield: Meanwhile Question Mark is lying there just looking kind of dead.

Burgyone: Z has almost caught up to Thunderbolt! He's acquiring a target lock…

Garfield: Z hits Thunderbolt with a ton of energy weapons! Thunderbolt is tossed about wildly, his shields failing! Kahless fell off!!

THUMP!!!

Burgyone: And he landed on Z's fighter's windshield! Thunderbolt is heading back down while Z can't see!

Z: GET OFF!!

Kahless: No!

Z: Fine, I'll force you!

Garfield: Z turned on the windshield wipers! Kahless has grabbed on to one and his holding on for dear life as it tosses him back and forth!

Kahless: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! WHOOOOAAA!!! Getting….motion….sick….

Z: NO! NOOOO!!!! *reaches for wiper controls*

Burgyone: slow…normal…fast…faster…hell'a-freaky fast, and…"Who needs Rain-X"? Huh?

Garfield: Z has just pumped the wipers up to "Who needs Rain-X"…WHOA!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Sonic Boom from Wipers:BBOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!

Burgyone: The…wind displacement is incredible! The wipers are moving at warp speed and the generated wind is making it hard to stay on the ground!!

Garfield: How is Kahless holding on?!?!

Kahless: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burgyone: I have absolutely no idea! Wait…Thunderbolt is moving in!

Garfield: He's firing a barrage of lasers! Z's fighter is hit and is going down!!

Kahless: *falling down with arms crossed and glaring* Real good Thunderbolt, you're a true pal.

Burgyone: Kahless is coming down! He's gonna…

SPLAT!!!!

Kahless: Thanks for breaking my fall Question Mark!

? The !: ……..don't…..men….t….*passes out*

Garfield: Kahless rolls away just before Thunderbolt rams him! Kahless sticks a Mek'leth in T-bolt's bottom. Where's Z?

Burgyone: He's still spiraling out of control! He's going to crash….on Godzilla.

CRASH!!! BOOM!!!

ALL RIGHT. WHAT MORON WOKE ME UP?!?!

Garfield: …the G-man can talk…

Burgyone: …who'da thunk it?

Garfield: Z is trying to look innocent and is pointing at Kahless and Thunderbolt.

Burgyone: Godzilla doesn't fall for it and is chasing Z! Ouch! Godzilla flamed him and Z is now running around aflame screaming!

Garfield: Question mark is starting to pull himself up while Thunderbolt is chasing Kahless!

Burgyone: Thunderbolt seems to be stalling in mid-air! What's he doing?

Thunderbolt: What the hell is going on?!?!?

Computer: Insufficient memory for this task. Weapons array 3 has performed an illegal operation.

Thunderbolt: No…it can't be! NOOOOO!!!

Burgyone: Thunderbolt seems to have made the mistake of "upgrading" to Windows!!!

Garfield: He goes down and crushes on Question Mark! Thunderbolt has just crashed…computer-wise and literally.

Burgyone: It would appear Kahless is winner by default! Z has been crispified most likely…

Garfield: Wait! What's that?!

Burgyone: It's a huge bone! Godzilla's chewing on it, Z must have bribed the lizard king!

Garfield: Where's Z though?

Burgyone: He just materialized behind Kahless! Kahless is turning to face him…Z is glowing?

Garfield: And getting bigger and scary looking! Bigger…bigger still…

Burgyone: Scarier…bigger…scarier…

Garfield: bigger…scarier…bigger….

Z:RRRROOOOOOAAAARRR!!!!

Burgyone: Z has just transformed into a huge, green, fire breathing Dragon!!

Kahless: Tsk, tsk, tsk. I expected better from you Z. That's hardly original.

Z: Fine then.

Garfield: Z is glowing again! He is now…a huge, polka-dotted cheese breathing dragon!!

Burgyone: ….cheese???

Garfield: Z opens his now fanged mouth and a gush of Velveta covers Kahless!!

Kahless: *head pops out* *GASP!!* EEWW!! You're sick Z!

Burgyone: Kahless has jumped over to Z! He's laying Z out! Kahless is ripping huge holes in Z's dragon-hide! Z's falling back and Kahless continues to slice and dice!!

Garfield: And Z swats Kahless away! He's up and over the bleachers!! He's still going!!

CRASH!!!

Burgyone: Oof…I don't think even Kahless could take that!

Garfield: Wait…it's one of those under-ground dig-trails! A mound is forming…and out pops Kahless!

Burgyone: And Z's going to try to step on him!!

Final Vote:

Kahless: 6
Z: 7
Thunderbolt: 1
? The !: 0

Garfield: Ouch! Z stomped Kahless and ground him thoroughly into the dirt!…the medics are hauling the commentators away…Z is the winner!!

Burgyone: Let me out there I'll kick his fraggin' ass… oh wait…excuse me.

Garfield: Seeing how Burgyone left to get his face fixed, this is Garfield, signing off.

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