Kahless: Qapla loyal fans! We are
Z: screwed.
Kahless: *glare*
Thunderbolt: Z's in trouble! Z's in trouble! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kahless: AS I WAS SAYING...we are at DS9, the fleet has only been partially repaired, and the Dominion's "hot on our tail"
Z: Yeah, and the B5 ships have headed back to B5, and there's only a few rebels here, basically you're looking at our last episode......
Thunderbolt: yeah.....
Kahless: *stares silently a moment*..........HI-YA!!! *jumps up in the air and kicks both Z and Thunderbolt*
Thunderbolt: *bounces off the wall with a clang* Grrrrrr!!!!
Thunderbolt tries to ram Kahless but he catches the Starfury and smacks Z with him. Z flies through the bulkhead and yells "cheap shot!!"
Kahless: OK!!! Z I WANT YOU TO MAN SOME GUNS, T-BOLT YOU GET OUT THERE!
Thunderbolt: YOU AREN'T BOSSING ME AROUND!!!
Thunderbolt fires phasers at Kahless, who makes a spinning leap at Thunderbolt. Kahless pulls out his bat'leth and chops off some of Thunderbolt's added guns. Thunderbolt swings around trying to smack Kahless, but he jumps on top of him.
Z: YAH!!! GO!! *eating popcorn*
Kahless grabs Thunderbolt by the nose-cone essentially getting him in a sort of 'head lock' and rams him into the bulkhead a few times. The two commentators continue to struggle with each other...
Z: GO KAHLESS!!!!! Rah! rah! rah!......oooh, that had to hurt........GO THUNDERBOLT!!!! YAH!! Mash the klingon!! mash the klingon!!.....Go Kahless!...no go Thunderbolt!!..no GO KAHLESS!!!
BLA-BLAM!!!
Kahless: *still mashing Thunderbolt's front into the hydroponic's fertilizer* huh?
Thunderbolt: *COUGH!!* *GAG!!* uhh...what's going on? *cough!!*
Z: The Dominion's attacking with a huge-@$$ assault fleet!!! They have DS9 surronded and are firing mercilessly!!!!
Kahless: Actually, it's just the first wave of fighters, Z did you take your medication this morning?
Z:.....no...oh, SO THAT explains the pink bunnies on everyone's head!!
Thunderbolt:.........uh-huh.....I guess so......
Kahless: The Jem'Hedar sweep in and rush into the full might of DS9's weapons systems, a few do survive and hit the station. The Defiant takes after the ships and starts to mow them down.
Alarm: BEEEEP!!!!
Z: What does it want?
Kahless: It's a message saying that the Empire is attacking Babylon 5.
Thunderbolt: ALright! Let's go!!
Kahless: Uh, we can't, we're sort of, IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE AS IT IS.
Thunderbolt: but we're supposed to cover *all* major battles!
Z: Well, this one's major too!
Kahless: You're right, we have 2 big battles going on, but we can't be in two places at once!!
Z: Wanna bet? *snaps fingers*
Z: I want you to meet Neo-Z Neo-Kahless and Neo-Thunderbolt! Stationed at Babylon 5 and reporting live!
Z: Thank you for that marvelous introduction Z, yes we're here at Babylon 5 where the Empire has summoned up an impressive fleet, the SSD, none other than the Executor is flanked by 2 Eclipse class and several SDs.
Thunderbolt: *in mellowed-out hippie tone* Yeah man, but Babylon 5 has its own kick-@$$ fleet here itself, so there's no need to worry, peace brother.
Kahless: Yeah, why can't we all get along?
Kahless: *shudders*
Thunderbolt:.......disturbing.....
Z: Oops, didn't turn out the way I planned, oh well.
Z: The Imperial vessels have situated themselves around B5, and have started bombarding the station, Babylon 5's interceptors are stopping most of the hits that get to the station, and the Minbari vessels are trying to draw the Empire's attention away with heavy fire.
Thunderbolt: A few Dominion ships showed up as well and they're firing at everything like they had a little too much dope this morning.
Kahless: Sad thing is, that may just be the case. Oooh, pretty colors! Blam! Blam! Boom!! Oh wait, forgot myself, sorry, I'll go knit something to supress these violent urges.
Z: The forces protecting B5 are trying to force the Empire to back up some, but they aren't relenting any space.
Kahless The Dominion is sending in another wave of fighters, they all fire at once, delivering heavy damage to all defending ships.
Z: uhhh, the Empire's here!!!
Two Imperial Star Destroyers zip in and start firing on DS9
Worf: Gladly!!
As the Imperial ships start to release fighters a steady stream of photon torpedoes rush in destroying multiple fighters and anhilating the SD's cargo and fighter bays.
Kahless: The SDs are floating adrift, but they're firing at DS9.
Sisko: MORE!! Fire!! Fire!!
Worf: With pleasure sir!
The SDs are each hit with 5 phasers and 3 streams of photon torpedoes. Their shields start to fluctuate and buckle, oddly enough inside the SD consoles explode.
Thunderbolt: Looks like the Dominion's starting to break through.
Z: Worf's forgetting to shoot at them.
DS9 fires a volley of phasers and photon torpedoes causing the Dominion ships to back off.
Z: The Empire is starting to close on Babylon 5, a Minbari Sharlin has been destroyed and another is crippled.
Kahless: Yeah, looks like B5 is in for it.
Thunderbolt: Just one question? Why isn't B5 using the Borg armor?
Babylon 5 lights up as the Borg hull armor is activated and a steady stream of photon torpedoes and tractor beams push back the advancing Imperial forces.
Z: Wow, the fire from Babylon 5 has somehow become even more intense!! A large Dominion ship (normal large, not the huge one in the "Red Squad" episode) explodes.
Thunderbolt: Whooaah, check it out, they're launching even more fighters!
Kahless: Horrible!! Horrible!! The fighters aren't lasting a second against B5/Borg defenses!! They CAN'T survive out there!
Z: Oh shut up you pansy! The hull was unaffected by the TIE's attacks. Now a ISD is going to take a shot at it.
BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!
Thunderbolt: Wow, the station bounces around all over the place. Whoah, holes too.
BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!
Z: The armor has adapted and B5 takes the second volley with hardly a scratch! Uh-oh, now the Executor is coming around to fire into Babylon5!
BOOM!!! BLAM!!! POW!!! BWA-ZZAAAP!!!!
Kahless: Ack!!
Z: Whoah! The station was hit so hard it's starting to fall in to Epsilon 3....very slowly though.
BLAM!!! BOOM!!! BLAM!!! KA-PLOW!!!
Thunderbolt: That did it.
Z: B5 is plummeting towards Epsilon 3! Wait! They've fired a tractor beam and locked onto the Executor!!!..................Well, I'm not sure if they intended that or not, but when they started to "pull" with the tractor beam they instead pulled themselves up to the Executor.
Kahless: Hey, B5's regenerating, I rather like that special effect, it just looks so tripy.
Z:......uh, yeah.....well, a SD is pulling up to Babylon 5, and it's attatching itself to the station, they're going to board!
The scene shifts to the connector-thingy where Storm Troopers are preparing to cut through the hull. A Storm Trooper walks up and starts cutting.
Storm Trooper: Huh? it's..uh...growing back.....AAAARRRRGGGG!!!! *borg wires come alive and whisk him away*
Imperial Lt.: *s* NEXT!!! Kahless: The Defiant has been damaged to the point it had to dock with DS9 but the Enterprise E is still slowing the assault with tons of Quantum torpedoes.
Thunderbolt: Oh, and don't forget the bad news!
Kahless: Oh yeah, and DS9's shields are down and the Jem'Hedar have boarded.
Z: Oh, and they have dehydrated Jem'Hedar like in those old cartoons, they drip a drop of water on a pill and out sprouts a Jem'Hedar.
Kahless: Yeah, even the Rabid Klingons are having a tough time...wait, why am I still here?!?! *grabs a bat'leth and runs towards the Jem'Hedar* RAAAAAHH!!! DIE JINGLO'GOTATH!!!!
THunderbolt: What the hell did Kahless just scream?
Z: A Klingon insult that the writer just made up. Ooh, Kahless cuts a Jem'Hedar in half! One's sneaking up behind him!
Thunderbolt: One in front of him swings the same time the one behind him does and they kill each other!!
Z: Kahless picks up a Jem'Hedar and starts hitting other Jem'Hedar with it!!
Thunderbolt: 10 Jem'Hedar beam in behind Kahless! But the other Klingons dispatch them!!
Z: Uh, Thundyyyy...er, T-Bolt, look at this!
The surviving SD gets close to DS9 and starts sending in Storm Troopers. They start heading for 'OPS' only to encouter...........three DOZEN Klingons!! The Klingons make a scary display of swinging their Bat'leths around and growling, the Storm Troopers bolt away.
When they turn around all the Klingons are holding over-sized phaser rifles
Other Klingon Officer: With the stun settings broken! The Storm Troopers run like bats out of hell were chasing them, but alas to no good, the Klingons each get off one shot and vaporize the whole company.
Thunderbolt: blind, deaf, and dumb.
Z: Truly pitiful.... Oh wow!! Did you see what Kahless just did?
Thunderbolt: uh, no what was it?
Z: It was right out of Hercules! Jem'Hedar had him surrounded and were wailing on him, and he tossed 'em all off! Just like Hercules!!
Thunderbolt: Sounds impressive, whoah, Kahless has 8 knives sticking out of him!!
Z: Another Jem'Hedar adds a 9th, Kahless just turns around and throws him into the wall!!! Wow, I can't believe you messed with this guy!!
Thunderbolt: So did you.
Back at Babylon 5
Vader: So?
Imerial Lt.: we're not even inside yet!!
Vader: Oh.....very well then, pull out, we'll use the Executor's special equipment. Kahless: Oooh, special equipment, oh I wonder what that's going to do. oh-ho-ho-ho!!
Thunderbolt: What's so funny?
Kahless:.......I dunno.......
Z: The SD is pulling out and.....OUCH! It just got slagged by a Minbari Sharlin, which in turn is toasted by the Executor! The Executor has latched on to Babylon 5, but I wonder what they're going to use to cut through the Borg armor.
Kahless and Thunderbolt: Got me...
The scene shifts to inside Babylon 5 within the huge 'garden area' some people walk around it occasionally being shaken by SD shots, but overall moving in a fairly oderly fashion, and then, suddenly....
RRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!
3 enourmous claws rip through the 'floor'--although since it hugs the hull all the way around it's all floor, oh never mind--and send people scattering. The hull begins to bend and finally breaks as a huge head pushes through. Godzilla pulls himself into the station--crouched rather low.
ROOOOAAAARRR!!!!
Z: Oh my God, they had the guts to use Godzilla again..........
Thunderbolt: Hi there big Green!!
Kahless: Weird....
Godzilla rears up and starts to walk forward, but pauses and moves up and down.
Thunderbolt: What's he doing??
Z: As far as I can tell he's getting high on the different gravities........(B5 has strongest gravity on the outer rim and weaker towards the center)
Thunderbolt: Now he jumped up....and he's floating....
Kahless: Oh that looks fun!!
Godzilla continues to play while Storm Troopers rush in and get slaughtered by Security. and now--back to DS9.
Z: Well, Kahless is still fighting.....I guess me and T-Bolt have to do the commentary...
Thunderbolt: Most of the Dominion fleet has been destroyed, at the loss of all but one 'exta' federation ship. Now most of the fighting is on Deep Space 9, where Kahless has racked up...
Z: A kill count of 42.
Thunderbolt: Oh! Look, they're down to only one dehydrated Jem'Hedar!
Z: And........THEY JUST POURED AN ENTIRE GALLON OF WATER ON IT!!!!
Thunderbolt:...uh, so?
The Jem'Hedar, over-supplied with water grows to about 60 feet tall.
Kahless: HOLY SH*T!!!
Thunderbolt: Everyone's running out of the promenade...and can't say I blame them.
Z: KAHLESS YOU IDIOT!!!! RUN!!!! No, wait, if he dies then I become main commentator and a big pay raise..... GET 'EM KAHLESS!!!! YOU CAN TAKE 'EM!!!!
The Giant Jem'Hedar tries to stomp on some people but Kahless sticks his bat'leth into his foot. The Jem'Hedar hops a couple of times and then yells at Kahless. Kahless jumps up into the air and punches......
THUD!!!!
Z: Wow...I didn't know Kahless was THAT strong!!
Kahless quickly runs back to where Z and Thunderbolt are.
Kahless: *whew!* Made it. Ok, we need a plan to kill that huge sucker!
Z: Good luck, I don't have my full Q powers so you're out of luck.
Thunderbolt: Oh yeah? Let me at him!!!!
ZZZOOOOOOOMM!!!!
The Jem'Hedar and Thunderbolt fight, Thunderbolt zips around the Jem'Hedar blasting away. The Jem'Hedar makes occasional contact tossing Thunderbolt into a wall.
Z: The Empire has made no progress with the invasion of B5, over 200 Storm Troopers have died, compared to 1 Security Officer.
Kahless: heehee, Storm Troopers shoot each other, hahaha!!!
Thunderbolt: Got to wonder if they have anyone competent.
Z: Look out! Here comes Vader!!
Vader strolls into veiw, security shoots a massive volley of ppg blasts at him, but he blocks them all.
Vader chokes one Security officer, and starts to kill another, when he notices something.
Kahless: Darth is stomping over to where Godzilla's doing gymnastics.
GGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Vader: Ah, very well, continue having fun. Kahless: Well, Godzilla is back to flipping and twisting, and Vader's choking security.
Z: And what skill he has at it! Vader's choking two at a time! Now he's putting on a show! You know how they do jokes of cowboys shooting behind them, over the shoulder, under the leg and that stuff? Well, Vader's doing all that! He spins, and chokes security and storm troopers!!
Thunderbolt: Hey, look some security dudes are getting up on a high platform to shoot him.
Z: Vader sees them, and he's......disco dancing??? Oh, choking too! You know that YMCA dance with one hand pointing up? Vader chokes a security officer with each upward point!!!
Kahless: well, he's headed for C&C unimpeded, nothing to stop him now....
Thunderbolt: What the???
Z: Vader just came out of C&C like greased lightning!! And in hot pursuit is Marcus!! And he's carrying......a.....a.....Bottlecap collection?
Kahless: I can see how that'd be scary.
Thunderbolt: Hey dude, looks like about 2,000 more of those Storm Troopers came on board.
Z: What's this? Ivanova is rushing out, she pulls back her fist and punches one in the face! A dominio effect results and a whole line of Storm Troopers go down!! Ivanova's running, they're shooting, and missing!!!
Kahless: Where's she going?
Z: As far as I can tell everyone is heading for the docking bays. Oh, let's see how Marcus and Vader are doing. Vader's just hit a dead end! Vader looks paniked, he turns around and slices the Bottle cap collection in half!!! Marcus looks.......teary eyed? He pulls out his Minbari pike! and they go at it!!
Kahless: Oh come on, it'll be cut in half by a light saber.....wha? it survived? oh-well.......
Thunderbolt: wow, the fight looks almost high-budget.
Z: Vader with a low thrust! Marcus blocks! Marcus gets Vader in the head! Vader is ticked! Marcus dodges! Vader's swinging wildly and Marcus is backing off! Vader throws Marcus to the ground and.......
THUD!!!!!!
Z: Godzilla's foot came down, and Marcus and Vader are each between different toes! Godzilla hops up again and Marcus is gone!
Kahless: That guy is fast, oh there he is, getting on the last White Star.
Thunderbolt: He who fights and runs away, live to.......run away again.
Z: The White Stars and shuttles enter hyperspace, so much for B5, looks like it's Imperial property now.
Kahless: How cliche.
Thunderbolt: too true.
Back to DS9.....again.
Z: Well, we won our fight so nah-nah-nah!!!
Kahless: Well, the giant Jem'Hedar escaped.....riding on the last surviving fighter, but we did win.
Thunderbolt: YAY!!!
Z: Well, the neo-commentators aren't needed anymore.
Sisko: Worf! Fire all you want at those Imperial ships!!
Worf: WHAT?!?! LIAR!!
Sheridan: oh, DUH!!!
Ivanova: Give me the controls!!!
Imperial Lt.: Faster! Faster!
Storm Trooper: Hey, wait! We outnumber them, and we have *blasters* all the have are bla....*turns around*
Klingon Officer: *finishing for the StormTrooper* Really big energy weapons....
Imperial Lt.: Vader.....uh, we have a problem....we've already lost 32 Storm Troopers...
Vader: MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Puny weaklings!!!
Vader: AHEM!! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM PAYING YOU FOR?!?!?! STOP GOOFING OFF AND SMASH SOMETHING!!!!
Vader: You got that right, now NOBODY CAN STOP US!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kahless: Babylon 5 hass fallen, but Deep Space 9 still belongs to the Federation. Tune in next battle, or else!!