Thunderbolt: Uh…how are we going to do this?? We've got a spinning Death Star out there and a massive battle, and this ordeal with Kahless!!

Z: My clone will watch with you on Minbar and I'll summon some other commentator.

FLASH!!

Z2: The Death Star is firing! IT'S…

Z: *snaps fingers and he, Shang and Kahless disappear*

Thunderbolt: It unleashes that Ultra-powerful laser! And it tears through the Imperial fleet! A Sovereign class SSD and over a hundred Star Destroyers are burned down!! It's still going!! The DS is slowing and the beam moves and tears into the defending fleet!!!

Z2: ba-da-boom! Dozens of ships get smoked! And…

BAM!! CRRAAACCKK!!!Pifft!

Thunderbolt: The Superlaser glances the planet's Southern Hemisphere and cracks the crust!

Z2: Whoa! There's a ton of red bubbling up….

Thunderbolt: The Superlaser cracked the crust, magma is coming up! Fortunately Minbar is a very cold world and it's already starting to slow. The Death Star's charging up for another shot!

Z2: A few hundred ships are firing at the Death Star, the relatively tiny planet killer (compared to other Death Stars) is badly battered but its thousands upon thousands of turbolasers still manage to peck multiple ships to death! The Death Star is charging again! This is the end of Minbar!

Thunderbolt: Wait, a Federation Ambassador class starship has wormed its way through the shields, it's messed up….and it's laying in a collision course at warp speed!

Z2: The Ambassador class starts to zip off, but a turbolaser nails it in the nacelle! It plummets out of warp before it even truly started and spirals into the Death Star!

Thunderbolt: It didn't hit it's target the primary firing center, but it blew out two outer power chargers! They have to reroute power in order to fire again! White Stars and other small ships that made it through the Death Star's defense grid holes are firing like mad at the superlaser assembly! It's taking heavy damage, but the attacking ships are taking at least 70% casualties!

Z2: A tiny amount of ships make it out of the explosion, fleeing the turbolaser wrath! The superlaser assembly is functioning at about 10 percent, they may still be able to fire into Minbar again!

Thunderbolt: The Minbar still have a home to fight for, and are fighting with new vigor, attacking the Imperial fleet ferociously! Minbar will most likely have to be evacuated, and they can't really do that with an Imperial fleet on the offensive.

Z2: I've never seen such anger apparent on a ship, even the Sharlins themselves look pissed! They're barging into the Imperial forces, firing like mad! Pure rage must be driving them, they normally wouldn't be able to do this much damage! They're right in the thick of things firing every weapon they've got, taking damage and dishing it back double! Several Star Destroyers back away from the sheer fury of the assault!

Thunderbolt: The Empire began this campaign with seven thousand capital ships, now they're still in the fight with more than four thousand, but several ships have jumped into hyperspeed to avoid the Minbari!

Z2: The Death Star fires a small super-bolt, but a squad of various ships flies in the way! A little of the bolt continues, blowing up a defense platform and doing damage to a Minbari city!

Thunderbolt: The battle wages on, massive death on both sides, fighters tearing each other apart, the Empire being pushed back, the Death Star's fluctuating shields are starting to fail!

Z2: Another Star Destroyer zooms away, taking the number of runners up to 14! The Minbari continue their awe-inspiring rage filled assault! The Empire's fleet is nearly down to 3,000 ships now! They're backing away, it looks like they're moving for an organized retreat!

Thunderbolt: The Minbari burn down nearly a hundred more Star Destroyers as they turn tail…and…

ZOOOOMM!!!!

Thunderbolt: The Empire has jumped away! They seem to have stopped a few dozen light years away, making it more of a regroup than anything else. Hold on…picking up on transmissions….they're arguing over going to destroy the Imperial fleet or evacuate…

Z2: I'm fairly sure they'll evacuate first…then kick ass like a few thousand donkeys on steroids.

Thunderbolt: Z2 is apparently smarter than Z1, he's right! The Minbar are moving to save the survivors, massive rescue mission here. They're ordering in seismic stabilizers to help settle the broken tectonic plates and some massive filter systems to remove the Superlaser particles from the air. This is going to go on for a while, they're also sending out ships to find any Sharlins that might have missed the fight, and gather forces from the last Rebel base in Minbari space.

Z2: We know what this means…

Thunderbolt and Z2: The Empire is going to find out why they should have listened to Battle 4's infamous warning! (Don't f*** with the Minbari.)

Z2: Some Star Trek ships are moving into the debris fields to pick up survivors, both allies and future POWs.

Thunderbolt: It sure is a mess. The remains of two thousand, three hundred plus Star Destroyers is quite a junk heap.

Z2: Any word on the Imperial fleet?

Thunderbolt: It seems that about two thousand of the Star Destroyers and the Death Star are heading back to Imperial space. Meanwhile the other eleven hundred ships are setting a course for a secondary target….

Z2: where?!? Where?!? I'M…er, THE FANS ARE DYING TO KNOW!!

Thunderbolt: They're going to open another front on the Federation! Over 90% of Starfleet is trying to hold off the Dominion! They can't possibly fend off an attack from 'behind'!

Z2: Oh shit. The Klingons barely have enough ships at home for their own defense and the Romulans have about 70% of their fleet tied up with the Dominion.

Thunderbolt: This sucks…The ISA's back is broken, the Rebellion's crippled…the Alpha quadrant is likely to fall….

Z2: well….maybe something good will happen. Maybe the Dominion and the Empire will decide they don't like each other.

???: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

THUMP!!!

Thunderbolt: What the?!

A very bruised and bloodied Z: ….help….me…

Kahless: *growling and panting unintelligibly*

Thunderbolt: WHOA!! Kahless, down boy down!

Z2: Yeah, take a chill pill!

Kahless: You want me to calm down? Well…I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN SO JUST FORGET IT!!!

Z, Thunderbolt and Z2: Uh oh…

Kahless: This GA'LACTH (I don't know any actual Klingon, so sue me) is ALWAYS trying to kill me and the spineless wuss doesn't even have the nerve to do it himself face to face!

Federation Doctor: Oh he has a spine all right…

Kahless: What? How would you know?

Federation Doctor: It's broken in multiple places. I've got to get him to sickbay!

Thunderbolt: Um…how do you get a godling in that condition anyway?

Kahless: Practice and hard work.

Z and Z2 remerge into one being and Z looks a ways better, only appearing to have been hit by a large train.

Kahless: Damn regeneration! Time to break more bones!

Z: NOOO!!!

Kahless is jumped by multiple security officers, who end up clinging to him as he drags them along. A couple of Minbari grab him from behind and help slow him down. After being administered a sedative used commonly on beasts of burden he mellows out some.

Kahless: So…what's been going on?

Thunderbolt: Read this on the way *hands Kahless a PADD* We're being transferred onto a Federation vessel. A few Minbari Sharlins are coming with us.

Kahless: Where to?

Thuderbolt: The Federation border, to cover the Imperial attack.

Kahless: They're actually launching a large-scale attack on the Federation! It does say something for them though, for a while there I was thinking only the Dominion (and Klingons) had the balls to attack the Federation!

Thunderbolt: Um…your people never attacked the Federation on a large scale.

Kahless: Who asked you?

Thunderbolt: No one…sorry sir…

Kahless: It seems the Imperial fleet is slowing down. They're approaching an anomaly…

Thunderbolt: Hmm…is it one documented by Starfleet?

Z: *comes in* Let me see! *snatches PADD and reads it* OOH!! That's one of my all time favorite spatial anomalies!

Thunderbolt: What is it?

Z: OH NO!! Can't tell! No, no, no, can't tell. Must be funny surprise!!!

Kahless: Gosh…I think I…

Thunderbolt: Smashed him back to "normal"…

Kahless: Hmm…interesting. There's something I need to take care of. *walks off*

??? Huh? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

STAB!! Gurgle…gurgle…Thump!

Kahless: *walks back in* There, done.

Thunderbolt: What did you do?

Kahless: Something I should have done a long time ago. Galactic Anarchy's greatest mistake, one that we'll probably never be forgiven for. At least now it won't happen again.

Z: You killed Burgyone?

Kahless: Yep.

Thunderbolt: The Imperial fleet is entering the anomaly… a few ships are sucked in and the rest of the fleet slows down!

Z: Too late! ISD go down da hole!

Kahless: A few dozen Star Destroyers pop out the other end….less than a meter long!

Thunderbolt: That shrinking nebula? Cool, this should be interesting!

Kahless: Several hundred Star Destroyers are sucked in! A few manage to break out early…The remaining 800 Star Destroyers are beginning to back up, and we're warping in!

Z: Boom bam boom! Star Destroyers get knocked in da hole!

Kahless: Some more go in and pop out in various places, we have Star Destroyers ranging from one tenth their original size to only 10 centimeters in length!

Thunderbolt: A couple of them are going back through the other way, apparently hoping to reverse the effects….and they disappear! They're gone…and so is mega-refitted Excelsior that followed them!

Kahless: Quantum Torpedoes quickly slag most SDs under two meters in length…the fleets are engaging all over the place. Mostly Federation and Klingon ships either from nearby Federation outposts or fresh from the battle for Minbar. A few Romulan ships here and there, a few miscellaneous ISA ships, and a good chunk of Minbari vessels eager to tear apart anything Imperial!

Thunderbolt: The remaining 750 or so Star Destroyers are putting up the best fight they can even though they've lost a good portion of their fleet to the anomaly!

Z; Ooh…

Kahless and Thunderbolt: Not again…that line is so over-done….

Z: …glittery special effects….

Thunderbolt: What do you know? He said something different!!

Kahless: *little laugh* Will wonders never cease? The fleets continue to tear into each other, seeming about even in power. Let's go down to our special sideline commentator.

Wreck Gar: Thank you Kahless, this is Wreck Gar reporting live from a scene of mass carnage. As miracles do indeed happen the weather forecast was correct! By gosh wonders never do cease!

Thunderbolt: What was the weather report?

Wreck Gar: Today's forecast calls for partly cloudy with a 90% chance of slaughter. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program, have a nice day.

Kahless: Thanks for the report Wreck Gar, now on to the live footage!

Thunderbolt: Why does he talk like that?

Z: TV! He talks TV, you talk some TV?

Thunderbolt: Sure I talk some TV; "Call within the next nineteen minutes to get a special offer included with your amazing deal for only $19.95!"

Kahless: The fight is going rather well, the Empire was quite freaked by that spatial anomaly and it took them a while to get reoriented. The AQA,(Alpha Quadrant Alliance) ISA, and Rebel fleet is pushing the Imperial fleet back, causing some more ships to be sucked into the anomaly! They're releasing what TIEs they have left to combat the Alliance fighters!

Thunderbolt: Want to go to our spy cams aboard the SSD?

Z: Oh goodie, spying! Spying is good, wins wars, gives blackmail ammo…

Imperial Admiral: Dang it…our fighter squadrons are down to forty percent. Order all ships to…um…be careful….and….fight smart…

Blaring "Imperial March" played by a full-scale orchestra is heard in the distance and begins to get louder.

Vader: I shall go out there. Prepare my quality-built heavily insured satisfaction guaranteed to last fighter for launch!

Imperial Admiral: Of course my lord, but may I be so bold as to ask you two little questions?

Vader: Very well, you may.

Admiral: First off…why the band?

Vader: I really like that tune and whistling & humming really don't do it justice.

Admiral: Ah…now…you're taller, but not quite as tall as you used to be…

Vader: The ship's chiropractor does amazing work, he helped unmash my spine so I'd regain some height. I wonder if he'd like a promotion….

Chiropractor: No, no!! No thanks sir…

Vader: Very well then. I will go out to kick some ass now.

Admiral: Good luck sir!

Thunderbolt: All the TIEs have come out and zoomed out towards our forces, Vader's is pulling out now.

Z: He seems to be having trouble with the controls…

ZOOM!!!

Kahless: Whoa! Vader accidentally hit the reverse button and his TIE zipped into the anomaly! It's shrinking…shrinking…it's off our scopes, but last we saw it, it was about half a centimeter in size…

Inside Vader's TIE:

Vader: WHHAAA?!?! This whole short thing must be some sadistic being's idea of a joke… That's it, back to the ship.

Kahless: the fighters engage! A Minbari fighter dives into a formation and cannons firing takes out 4 out of five TIEs! The Starfuries dance around their Imperial counterparts and blast away! Some Federation fighters plow the road and pummel on some capital ships!

Z: Why Kahless talk about fighters? The real fancy booms are over with the Minbari.

Thunderbolt: Oddly enough he has a point K'. The Minbari are fighting awfully hard, clearing out a ton of SDs.

Kahless: The Star Destroyers are fighting their hardest,

Z: blasting mighty green energy beams across the sky.

Kahless: Never interrupt my lines.

Z: Sorry sir! *cringes*

Thunderbolt: This fight is going awfully quickly, the Star Destroyers are weakened by recent nearly non-stop fighting and no one's showing them any mercy whatsoever!

Kahless: Slightly over half their fleet is out of commission and some ships are even reaching the Super Star Destroyer. It's not as formidable as what it used to be with that huge chunk the Excalibur took out of it.

Thunderbolt: WHAT THE?!!? Z!!

Z: What?

Kahless: Uh, there's a little green glow coming from your ears… with little read streaks now and then…

Z: Probably something you did to me Kahless, I'll go have the doctor look at it.

Kahless: Wait a minute…I think I've relocated Vader's TIE fighter…it's in the SSD! Let's go to the cameras shall we?

Very faint "Imperial March" is heard, and the bridge staff looks around for Vader.

Admiral: Nah…it can't be? Can it? Nevermind! Redirect Star Destroyers 15 and 22 here. Tell the left wing to…*swats at a small object hovering by him*…damn bugs. Tell the left wing to increase forward batteries.

Vader: HOW DARE YOU!!! This is all your fault, and then you have the insolence to swat at me!!

Admiral: *coughs* Drat…Ensign, get me a throat lozenge my throat's feeling a touch…I don't know…constricted.

Vader: AAAAAARRRG!! Being small sucks! Can't even kill the damn admirals… *whoo-per noise* *steers to avoid an oncoming head*

Vader: Damn you all!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, GET ME BACK TO NORMAL!!! *dodges a swat-attempt*

Thunderbolt: heeheehee. Poor Vader.

Kahless: He's trying to get someone to listen to him and they just keep on swatting! Ha-ha!

Z: *mumbling in the distance* … figgin' …idiot… fraggin'…quack…

Kahless: What's wrong Z?

Z: That idiot doctor says I have a tiny ISD and Excelsior in my head. *green and red glow continues to come from his ears* I mean, I know I have sci-fi on the brain, but that's just ridiculous.

Inside Z's head a Star Destroyer and an Excelsior continue to duke it out.

Captain: Release all TIEs, find out where we are and take out that Excelsior!

Kahless: Uh, I think there's some merit in the doctor's theory…

Z: What makes you say that?

Kahless: There's a little gray cloud coming out of your ear that resembles a TIE fleet….

Z: *looks to the side* Are you sure that's not steam? It happens quite a bit…

Kahless: Let me see something…*grabs Z and shakes him violently, metallic clanging coming from his head is distinctly heard*

Z: That proves nothing! *turns to the side and crosses his arms*

On board the Star Destroyer:

Captain: *lightly touches a gash on his head* Ow…report? Eww…bleeding…not good…

Lieutenant: *crawls out of collapsed stuff* Uh…it doesn't look good, let me find a console that's still functional…*starts to punch buttons on one but it breaks apart* Uh…nevermind that one…

Ensign: *coughs* This one might work sir! *waves smoke away* It is! Not well, but it's working…

Captain: *dodges a falling beam and walks over to the console* Incredibly heavy damage, shields out…systems out all over the place, Excelsior class and 90% of the TIEs destroyed…What did we hit??? Z's skull!?!?

Kahless: Hey…what's that?

Z: What's what?

Thunderbolt: A tiny Star Destroyer came out of your ear…it looks pretty busted up.

Z: Ooh, my own mini-SD!! *snaps fingers and it appears in a bottle and repaired most of the way* Heeheehee!! This is cool! *walks off with it*

Kahless: I wonder how Vader's doing? *taps panel*

Captain: ARG!! What is it with these bugs?!?! *whips out flyswatter*

Vader: Don't you dare!!

SQUISH!

Kahless: Who would have thought that the infamous Darh Vader would go out that way?

Thunderbolt: Not I…wait! Something's happening…pushing the flyswatter up??

Kahless: Vader is returning to normal! He's back to the height we last saw him at!! The Admiral is sitting there holding his arm out w/ the flyswatter on Vader's head…he looks terrified!!

Admiral: *shaking in terror* …Allow me sir!! *makes a big show of strangling himself with a noose and falls over. *lies there a second then opens one eye a little*

Vader: Wuss! Try to meet your end with dignity, I despise whiners!

Vader puts the admiral back on his feet and appears to think a moment

Vader: Ah, heck, I'll do both. *one hand up and one hand down Vader clenches his fists. The poor admiral starts making high-pitched choking noises*

Admiral: Sir…please…please have mercy…the TIE looked like a bug…

Vader is knocked back as the SSD takes a massive jolt and inadvertently releases the Admiral.

Admiral: I survived? I survived! Yay!! *runs off*

Kahless: How…odd. What's this…the SSD is powering up…

ZZOOOOOOMM!!!

Thunderbolt: Things were going bad so they just ran away!! Looks like most of the fleet is going to follow suit even though they were just ordered to fight to the death.

Kahless: The Multi-Alliance fleet is moving to cut them off though! They don't plan to miss a chance to kill some Imperials! Gravity well weapons and improvised devices are being used to keep the Imperial fleet out of hyper speed!

Wreck Gar: Oh no you don't ya wascally wabbits! Up next is 'End of the line my Valentine' here on station 42, KVUB, Las Vegas.

Kahless and Thunderbolt: Huh?

Z: Thanks for the interpretation Wreck Gar! The Empire's not getting away this time, it truly is end of the line! *turns back to his bottled SD*

Kahless: You understand him?

Z: You don't? *takes out a bottle full of flies* Heeheehee!! *releases flies into the SD bottle* Shoot 'em down!! Shoot 'em down!

The SD complies and kills the flies with a few turbo laser blasts.

Lieutenant: This is humiliating…

Captain: Maybe, but it's safer than what we were doing and…

Other guy: …we don't have to deal with that bastard Vader!

The other guy falls over clutching at his throat, everyone snaps to look at the view screen, which Vader is on.

Vader: Don't have to deal with me eh?

Imperials start to beg. Vader decides to let them off this time seeing how he was shrunk himself and there really isn't a way to get out of Z's bottle.

Thunderbolt: Hey, isn't that a Federation planet the SDs are trying to evacuate to?

Wreck Gar: I choose you, can of whoop ass! You can't run and ya can't hide, it's time you got a new travel agent!

Z: heeheehee! You really do have to wonder about that choice there.

Kahless: They're on the run, they're ships are in ruin, I guess they just think planet-side is their best bet. They've "landed" a few SDs and appear to be setting up a sort of base camp. I wonder if they'll actually try to take over the planet.

Thunderbolt: They've already set up a massive anti-orbital bombardment shield, Federation troops are going to be badly outnumbered.

Wreck Gar: This great deal now in, not only do you get this amazing starter set, but reinforcements for no additional cost!

Z: Cool! We get to see some Junkions in action! And they're on our side to boot!

Kahless: You're right Z…according to this the Federation has been in negotiations with the Junkions for a while, and they're contributing over a hundred Junkions to this battle to help the Federation forces.

Thunderbolt: Let's see, the local militia, stationed soldiers, Federation soldiers from the ships, Klingons, Romulans, Minbari, a few Narns and a handful of Junkions against over 200 SD compliments of Storm Troopers.

Z: Oh come on, it's not like Storm Troopers do anything but die en-masse! You just find them, they'll take care of the dying.

Kahless: true. Let's go down planet-side, while we go down we'll see if we can make any sense of Wreck Gar.

Wreck Gar: Silence is the key to any successful sneak attack, tune in weekdays at 5pm for more information. Currently, wondering where these "Storm Troopers" are…not a cloud in the sky…

Z: I hope he's not really taking the name literally….

Thunderbolt: Hey! Where did Kahless go?

Z: Over there with the Klingon division.

Dinobot: Excuse me, would there happen to be any validity to the stories of a Storm Trooper invasion?

Z: Yes…why?

Dinobot: My transport made a stop here and broke down. I've been trying to get to the front lines of the Dominion war, but this will give me something to do while we wait!

Thunderbolt: Ooh…we know what happens when he fights Storm Troopers…

Z: I think the Jem'Hedar should be feeling very lucky that his transport is behind schedule.

Kahless: There they are! ATTACK!!!

A ton of Klingons attack the Imperials, jumping out from behind ambush positions. The Troopers shoot back, wounding 3 Klingons and singing/pissing off 7 more.

Z: Ooh! Those Bat'leths are making short work of that Storm Trooper armor!

Thunderbolt: Of course they are! Look at what Ewok sticks did to it!

Z: Too true. A Klingon throws two troopers to the side, each smashing into another! Another Trooper fires his blaster! He actually hits! The Klingon doesn't look so good…but he still manages to decapitate the Storm Trooper and keep going!

Thunderbolt: There goes the last Storm Trooper in that scout patrol. If everyone's having this kind of luck the Empire will have no clue about how many ground forces they'll be facing!

Z: Let's check out the Junkion spy-bot and see if it's found anything interesting!

Officer: Sir, none of our scout teams have come back! We think the enemy got them!

Captain: We have no clue about our enemy's position or numbers. We have no choice.

Officer: I hope you don't mean surrender.

Captain: No way, if our superiors ever find us after surrendering they'll make us wish we died here! We'll have to unleash the most terrifying Storm Trooper strategy in existence!

Officer: What's that?

Captain: kill the enemy by suffocation!

Thunderbolt: Huh? Suffocation?

Z: It means they're going to swarm us with Storm Troopers until we're buried under the bodies!!!!!

Thunderbolt: oh. That doesn't sound good…

Wreck Gar: It's time for David Letterman! I'm your host Wreck Gar and tonight's guest stars include several million Storm Troopers!

Z: They're coming! A bunch of troop transports land and Storm Troopers start filing out! There are thousands of them!!

Thunderbolt: They're really coming out of the woodwork!

The screen pans over, and Storm Troopers are indeed marching out of the woodwork.

Z: Hey…a bunch of clown cars just pulled up…

A Storm Trooper gets out of each one, and opens the back door. Out rush about two dozen Storm Troopers, each.

Thunderbolt: Whoa!! Hey…what's that?

Z: A bunch of pick-up trucks…on board which are…Storm Troopers wearing Sombreros!

Thunderbolt: Mexican Storm Troopers???

The pick-up trucks pull to a stop and a great tidal wave of Sombrero-donning Storm Troopers pour out.

Thunderbolt: SHIT!!! The number of Storm Troopers just tripled!!!!!!!!!

Hundreds of thousands of Storm Troopers continue to pour onto the battlefield, some parachuting down from helicopters, some jump out from nowhere, others appear from holes in the ground, some actually come by sea, not to mention more via truck, clown car, and the woodwork.

Z: Whoa…it's like an ocean made out of Storm Troopers out there!!! I can't see the end of them!

Thunderbolt: Hmm…according to our tactical informants we're outnumbered…. SHIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!! 278,592 TO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Z: WHAT!?!?! IT COULD TAKE YEARS TO KILL THAT MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAY TOO HUGE TO PUT ON A WEBPAGE BLAM!!!

Z: *pokes head above the trench* Every Storm Trooper fired their blaster at once! The forest around us is in smoldering ruins, the town behind us is smoked and the mountain behind that is about half its previous size! Good thing almost all of us ducked! Wait…there's a small Klingon shaped area where there is no damage…Kahless just stood there and took it!!!!!!!!!!

Kahless: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!??

Thunderbolt: The Storm Troopers seem all to happy to answer that, about…oh, 7,000 of them are pulling out grenade launcher style weapons…and they fire!!

A series of huge explosions rock an area of about 13 meter radius from where Kahless is standing. Missile weapons continue to pour in, adding red flashes and even more smoke for about 2 minutes.

Z: I don't suppose I could be so lucky….AW -DRAT!! Kahless is still standing…

Kahless: HA!! Z HITS HARDER THAN THAT!!!

Throughout the Storm Trooper ranks hundreds of huddles form, each coming to the same conclusion.

WHOLE LOT of Storm Troopers: ACK!! THAT'S KAHLESS!!!

The Storm Troopers turn to run, but meet up with their superiors.

High ranking dude: Why don't you look at it this way: He'll kill you quickly.

Z: The Storm Troopers turn back at us and fire! The air is full of blaster fire! They're even hitting some people! Federation officers set their hand phasers to wide-dispersion and clear out a couple dozen Storm Troopers! They start waving the phasers around with them on maximum power! Hundreds of Storm Troopers go down but they're still coming!!

Thunderbolt: *firing 8 wing-mounted auto-cannons* Some of the phasers burn out and they pick up their pulse-phasers! Jumping up, firing a barrage and jumping back down they can't miss! A Storm Trooper or two goes down for each shot! The Klingons take a disrupter in each hand and fire ala action movies!

Z: Huh…what's going on over there?

About 14 Storm Troopers are bowing in front of Kahless.

Storm Trooper leader: We're some of your biggest fans! Please spare us and let us join your side!

Kahless: *thinks a moment* Ok, take off your helmets and put these on. *hands them some of those Klingon sashes* Oh, and take these *hands them some Star Trek weapons*

All 14 or so Storm Troopers: Thank you sir! You won't regret it!

The ex-Troopers hop in with Kahless and start firing away with him.

Z: AAAAARRG!!!!!!!! WHY DOES HE GET ALL THE FANS?!?!

About 14 Storm Troopers come up to Z.

Storm Trooper: He doesn’t'! look!

All 14 Storm Troopers crack off their chest armor to reveal some T-shirts with a Kahless crossed out with a red circle with the text "Z IS KING DAMN IT!!!"

Z: ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You want to join our side?

Storm Troopers: YOU BET!! *join good guy's side*

Thunderbolt: Darn you!! I only converted 7 of 'em!

Wreck Gar: Got to hold them off the walls! Its time for a roundup pardners!

Thunderbolt: The Junkions come blazing in on their motorcycles, each carrying some nasty melee weapon! They're plowing through the Storm Troopers! I see our turncoat Storm Troopers are still using their blasters, makes sense, that's what they were trained on.

Z: The Junkions are using those huge-ass transformer guns of theirs to waste a dozen Storm Troopers at a time! Doesn't add that much though, they're already crushing hundreds by driving over them…and slicing hundreds more apart. The Star Trek forces have brought in some heavy artillery and are lobbing it into the waves of Storm Troopers!

Thunderbolt: *as he fires the last of his missiles, killing another 50 Storm Troopers* They're everywhere!! It doesn't seem to matter how many you kill!!

Z: *throwing energy bolts into the waves of Storm Troopers* I have to agree with you there! It doesn't help that they're continually lobbing grenades in here either! Starfleet personal forcefields only save our troops if they're more than five feet from the blast. We're giving them hell though!!

Wreck Gar: Troopers at the gates, troopers on the field, troopers in the trees! If we shoot them off the field, they're still at in the trees! If we shoot them out of the trees they're still at the gates! Where does that leave us? Nowhere that's where!

Kahless: Just kill as many of the suckers as you can!

Thunderbolt: Hey! There's Dinobot! Kicking ass as usual!

Wreck Gar: Check this out! It slices, it dices! It makes hundreds of curly fries in…

Dinobot: Shut up and fight!

Wreck Gar: Well excuuuuuse me!

Z: Some Klingons and Minbari are starting to come out of the trenches for melee range combat! And tearing apart the "poor" Imperials and a very high rate!

Thunderbolt: A Junkion gets knocked off his motorcycle by a grenade weapon! They're down on the ground and the motorcycle has a busted up wheel! Looks like he's up the creek with…HUH!?! The motorcycle transformed into a robot?!? And the Junkion transformed into a motorcycle! They've traded places and go back on a killing spree!

Z: Oh no! Since they can't get their AT vehicles out on the field they've got a heavy turbo laser on wheels! They're aiming right at us!!!!!

Kahless: Never fear! Kahless is here! *runs towards the heavy turbo laser*

Thunderbolt: Kahless is bringing his fist back…revving it up for a power hit!!

Z: The turbo laser is charging up! It's firing!! This is gonna be bad!

BAA--BBLLAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!

Kahless is standing there, fist out, and…stopped in front of his is the turbo laser.

Thunderbolt: …he stopped a super-heated ball of plasma with his fist…

Z: More than that!! The turbo laser is now running away and whimpering like a beat puppy!!

Thunderbolt: …and Kahless proceeds to tear the cannon apart with his bare hands…

Z: Ah -ha! I accidentally put mega-steroids instead of poison in his coffee this morning.

Thunderbolt: You're still putting stuff in his coffee?

Z: HEY!! It's a habit!

Thunderbolt: hey…the Junkions have all lined up, the motorcycles transforming into robot mode…

Z: BOOM-BLAM-DA-BOOM!!! All hundred or so open fire! Thousands of Storm Troopers are blown all over the place!

Thunderbolt: They each get off a dozen shots or more before they start to take too much damage from Imperial weaponry! Half transform and they go back to their mounted-death style of fighting!

Z: Uh-oh!! Looks like they found a way too pull out the battle walkers!

Thunderbolt: Starfleet beams some soldiers in and they take out three AT-ATs, two AT-STs and take control of an AT-AT and two AT-STs! The others seem to be shielded though!

Z: The Imperials soon cut down the confiscated vehicles! Too bad, that would have been cool to have Federation battle-walkers…oh well, time to call in our other hired help. *pulls out phone* Hello, yes, I'm depositing in your account now. Good! I'll see you then! *hangs up*

Thunderbolt: You mean we finally hired someone to help us kick some ass?

Z: You bet we did! Only for this one battle though unfortunately… I hope they get here soon! The walkers are killing a lot of our guys!! Ah, there they are!!

Grimlock: Me Grimlock forget, what this site rated?

Snarl: Me Snarl not know…

Sludge: Me Sludge say it PG.

Slag: That mean what me Slag think it mean?

Swoop: Me Swoop say yes!

Grimlock: Me Grimlock going to kick some Imperial bastard's sorry asses!!

Z: Grimlock, Sludge, Slag, Snarl and Swoop transform into their dinosaur modes, Tyrannosaurus, Apatasaurus, Triceratops, Stegosaurus and Pterodactyl!

Thunderbolt: P-terodactyl?

Z: No, the 'P' is silent.

Thunderbolt: Grimlock lands in front of an AT-AT, crushing several Storm Troopers, and lashes out, he bites a leg and tears it right off! He spits it out and crushes and AT-ST!

Z: Sludge lands on two AT-STs, crushing them and starts to march over to the larger walkers!

Thunderbolt: Swoop fires his wing mounted missiles, hitting the "neck" of an AT-AT, causing the "head" to fall off! He grabs and AT-ST, flies into the air and drops it! CRACK!

Z: Slag blasts an AT-AT from the side with his fire breath melting it considerably between the leg pairs causing it to fall in half! He then head-butts his way through an AT-ST!

Thunderbolt: Snarl blows an AT-ST apart with his tail-lasers and swings his tail into an AT-AT causing it to trip!

Z: The Dinobots start to crush the remaining walkers similarly and kill tons of Storm Troopers just by stepping on them!

Thunderbolt: The boys on our side are greatly heartened by the arrival of such big guns on our side and attack with more force!

Z: I think the Imperial plan is starting to work, the entire battlefield is strewn with corpses! Klingons are having a ball hacking apart more, and the Minbari seem to be getting a sadistic sense of fun in crushing the Storm Troopers!

Thunderbolt: *looking at counter that just appeared on the bottom of the screen, which is rapidly increasing* Z, any idea what this is?

Kill Counter: *BWEET!* Equal to Average Action Movie!

Z: Interesting…it's a kill counter, measuring just how gory this fight is…

Kill Counter: *BWEET!* Equal to last 3 seasons of DS9!

Thunderbolt: The Dinobots are through with the Imperial walkers and now are firing on the Storm Troopers!

Z: The Junkions have found some cover and now all of them are firing!

Kill Counter: *BWEET!* Equal to Tech Crossover series! *BWEET!* Equal to…*BWEET!* Equal…*BWEET!* Equal to… *BWEET!!* Eq…*BWEET!!*

Z: SWEET! This battle series is gorier than the rest of Galactic Anarchy combined!!

Kill Counter: *BWA-CHING!!!* *BWEET-BWEET-BWEET!!* *CHA-CHING-CHING-ING-CHING-GHING-ING!!* GORIEST SERIES EVER!!! *BWEET!! BWEET!!* *CHING! CHING! CHING-ING!!*

Thunderbolt: WHOO-HOO!!!! We're going to have to find out just what the bloodshed in this battle is!! Hey, what are the Dinobots doing?

Z: They're getting side by side except for Swoop, Grimlock, Slag, Snarl and Sludge are raising their left feet…earth-shatter attack!!! They bring their feet down s-s-shak-k-k-king the whole place up and making massive cracks in the planet! The fissures reach out into the Storm Trooper masses and tens of thousands plummet to their deaths!

Thunderbolt: The Transformers are getting most of the Imperial attention. The Junkions take damage but generally fix it right up. The Dinobots don't seem to be taking any damage, blasters bouncing off and grenades exploding harmlessly on their hulls, Dinobot himself is taking some damage but he's much faster and more mobile than the other Transformers and able to evade more. He's also only ten feet tall opposed to the gargantuan Dinobots and isn't nearly as big a target. His eyebeams also have the advantage of continuous fire and slice entire rows of Storm Troopers in half!

Z: The Klingons are taking on all challengers, who now have to run up small hills made of Storm Trooper parts. The same goes for the Minbari! Hey, Kahless isn't looking so hot…

Thunderbolt: He's left corpses strewn over the country side and is still killing Storm Troopers at a rate of one every five seconds but it looks like he's giving out! Those drugs Z gave him wore off a while ago and he's starting to feel the effects, the Storm Troopers are beginning to wear him down!

Z: *jumps up* NO YOU DON'T! *raises hand glowing with energy* HE'S MINE!!!

Thunderbolt: Wait! There's a Klingon warrior running out to save him! He grabs a Storm Trooper from behind and twists his head off like a cap! He grabs another one and snaps him in half over his knee! He slices the throats of three more and blasts two that are shooting at Kahless!

Z: The Klingon picks Kahless up, slumping him over his back and is heading for the trenches! He's dodging blasters and explosions left and right, and using his free hand to pick off Storm Troopers! He's got Kahless back in the trenches!

Klingon Warrior: Emperor Kahless, are you ok?

Kahless: Why'd you…take me out of the battle?

Klingon Warrior: To die with honor is a great thing, but it is better still to live and kick more ass. And, I did not take you out of the fight! Take this and mow down our enemies from here!

Kahless: Thank you noble warrior, now continue to fight for the glory of your house and the Empire!

Thunderbolt: Klingons have to be the most disturbing creatures in existence.

Z: Right behind what I like to call 'sub-humans'. Hey, a Federation officer has replicated himself a machine gun! He's been at it a while, waist deep in spent ammo!

Thunderbolt: A couple dozen Storm Troopers are sneaking up on him while he reloads! He sees them and grabs for some loose bullets. He throws a fistful at them…and they actually fall down…

Z: He's got another belt in and is continuing to mow down Storm Troopers. If you notice, he has a 24th century cooling device on it so it doesn't overheat like regular 20th century automatics.

Thunderbolt: Hey, getting a signal…the Minbari are calling back their Sharlins, it seems they're wanted for military action.

Z: Should we stay here or go? I mean…there's still fighting here.

Kahless: And there will be for hours to come. The Minbari's attack is something we don't want to miss. There will be a few allied ships but the Minbari are sending half their remaining forces for this.

Thunderbolt: Whoa…let's go!!

A few Federation and Minbari shuttles come to pick up their passengers. The shuttles fire weaponry into the Storm Troopers to cut down their numbers to make up for the troops the good guys were losing. All the Minbari and a few miscellaneous fighters board and head for their ships. Kahless and Z are put aboard a Sharlin and Thunderbolt is put in with the fighter squadrons.

Z: Wow…you can see the Storm Troopers all the way up here.

Kahless: Too bad you can't see what's going on…just a "small" smear of white. Ok, entering hyperspace now. It should be about 15 minutes.

Z: *starts playing solitaire* …..boooring! *materializes a Nintendo system*

Kahless: *looking over tactical maps* hmm…it'll be tough, but not impossible…*sharpening knife absent-mindedly*

The "camera" looks back and forth between the two and then makes an 'a-hem' noise.

Z: No, I'm not doing anything to Kahless today.

Camera/Viewer asks why not.

Z: If you really must know… …he's still a pit pissed about the whole Shang Tsung thing…

A boring 14 minutes later:

Kahless: Nu-uh-uh. Can't let this be documented publicly. *reaches hand towards camera*

Z: Hello, it's been quite a while since you last saw us. We've been in a meeting with some high ranking dudes, and preparing a fleet for this attack. With any luck this battle will prove big enough to deserve it's own event!

Kahless: I don't think so Z, speed is incredibly important in this battle, the whole point is to rush in and kill the SOBs as fast as possible.

Z: Bummer.

Kahless: Yeah, we're heading to the attack coordinates now. We should be there in a few minutes. This fleet has quite a few Multi-Alliance ships in it, but the bulk of it is 1,478 Minbari Sharlins.

Z: Kahless…is there any chance we can call up the planet and see how Wreck Gar is doing?

Kahless: Sure can Z. We've got everything secured, they can't trace us, so let's see how the planet side fight is going.

A screen comes on. Easily seen are a few ragged, weary and bleeding Federation soldiers stumbling along the body piles. It soon becomes evident just how high these piles are, as the Junkions are seen wading through waist-deep.

Wreck Gar: Flood coverage is currently at 8 meters, but fortunately the flood has nearly stopped rising.

A few Federation officers come under fire, and are missed. They turn around and gun down the offending storm troopers.

Wreck Gar: As you can see the action's not quite over yet, but battery replacement in this situation is recommended.

The Dinobots come into view, oddly enough suffering some apparent damage.

Z: Huh? What happened?

Wreck Gar: After eliminating the main infestation problems our Terminex workers take care of the nest to make sure they don't come back.

Klingon who saved Kahless: They neutralized the crashed Star Destroyers. There are still a few Storm Troopers left around here, but most are surrendering.

Kahless: Good! Could you possibly send some 'help' to our attack target? We're going to need all the help we can get.

Z: *reading PADD* I don't know which is more disturbing…the fact that they actually have that many Storm Troopers, or the fact that they took out two Junkions!

Wreck Gar: FedEx delivers packages quickly and intact, guaranteed! In special conditions they may be a little late for the party but they'll be there!

Klingon: We have to secure any remaining Imperial strongholds, but after that we can send them over to you.

Z: Good, we'll see you then. For now, we're going to come out of hyperspace in a few minutes.

Kahless: Jump gates opening in section 1! Three fourths of the fleet enter normal space while the other quarter is moving for attack section 2! Several ISDs are destroyed or disabled by jumpgate energy and more fall as the fleet opens fire! They're scrambling everything they've got!!

Z: Well, Coruscant is their capital, makes sense they'd throw everything including the kitchen sink at us. There's a lot of Drahk ships here too, I guess they were using Coruscant as a sort of base…

Kahless: Whoa! 23 Star Destroyers have just jumped to hyperspeed! Also, jumpgates forming at attack sector 2, inside Coruscant's shield! White Stars, Thunderbolt Star Furies, Defiant classes, even a few Sharlins and a Sovereign jump out! They're targeting shield generators and defense cannons! The light fighters buzz about shooting away at defended positions while the heavy cruisers supply support fire!

Z: Whoa, some heavy firepower being thrown around here! Got more ships than I can follow blasting away at each other! Two Omega class heavy cruisers scrap the remains of a Golan platform. Hey, there are some Shadow Omegas and Warlocks here. Ouch! Wouldn't want to be one of the ships in their way! They're using those nasty Shadow enhanced beams to cut nasty gashes into the Star Destroyers!

Kahless: Some of our ships are taking to concentrating fire on the remaining 6 Golan platforms! They take heavy fire from local Star Destroyers but succeed in clearing the Golan stations out of the sky!

Z: And only at the loss of 2 Excelsior classes, 2 Rebel cruisers, 3 Streamrunners, 4 BoPs, 3 Centauri Vorchans, one Omega, 3 White Stars and 7 Sharlins.

Kahless: The fleet inside Coruscant's shield is barely hanging together! Beams of destruction tear into the buildings from above, tearing through hundreds of stories, knocking the upper sections over. Some even tear through the buildings until they hit the ground! The attacking ships are being pelted with thousands of turbo lasers, but I think they're considering the damage worth it.

Z: The Defiant class starships have reduced a chunk of land the size of Northern America to nothing more than a molten puddle, but they're out of Quantum Torpedoes! The Drahk have started a retreat! They were giving us a lot of trouble, but I think they've decided not to lose massive amount of life while defending someone else's world.

Kahless: Defense platforms high up in the buildings fire at all comers, but the White Stars have taken out most of them. Almost a third of the shield generators have been destroyed but the fleet couldn't tear it down even if they weren't busy with the orbiting fleet! Another 12 Star Destroyers have run, it's not much but every little bit helps! Sharlins and allied ships shoot down most shuttles trying to escape while firing at

Z: Huh? A jumpgate is opening…

Kahless: Out come a few alliance ships from the planet-battle we were at for so long, and a Junkion ship!

Z: WHOO-HOO!! The Dinobots!! They start off in robot mode, blasting small holes in Star Destroyers and blowing apart TIEs! Now they're transforming and smashing TIEs into pieces and pounding in Star Destroyer hulls!!

Kahless: Grimlock's fearsome claws tear into the SD's leaving them badly damaged and the other Dinobots cause similar carnage! They're buzzing around and blasting everything they've got! Turbo lasers are a lot more powerful than blasters, but they even their ship-mounted weapons can't hurt the Dinobots much!

Z: Less than half the inner-fleet is still alive but they've taken out over 50% of the defense cannons! Ouch! A Sharlin in high orbit takes an ion cannon blast! It's shorting out and falling into the atmosphere! It's coming down…it hits the upper buildings! The Sharlin is starting to crumble…its tearing into the buildings as it falls, it's core is breached, and

BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!

Kahless: The Sharlin blows up very big, destroying a HUGE amount of area! The resulting explosion destroys multiple shield generators and power providers! Coruscant is going into a brown out!

Z: It's a good thing the Rebels got as many operatives and friends as they could off the planet. Just the inner-fleet was able to destroy nearly a fourth of the surface area! The last few ships have been destroyed…but…

Minbari General: All Sharlins with a shot, open fire with all weapons! They're shield won't be down for long, we'll have to count on our allies, fighters and White Stars for cover!

Kahless: Several hundred Sharlins blasting every weapon they have is a terrifying sight! In a matter of 5 minutes they've blasted the entire surface area of Coruscant! Taking no chances several Sharlins are stripping the atmosphere from the planet!

Z: The Star Destroyers are attacking fiercely, but they lose nearly 4 Star Destroyers for every Sharlin they down!

Kahless: The fighting continues for a few minutes, but over 4 5ths of the defending fleet have been destroyed! They're standing down, really they're just buying time for reinforcements to get here, but it gives us time to pick up our ship pieces and survivors.

There is indeed some more fighting, but for the most part the fleet leaves, taking as many ship remains as they can so that the Empire can't look at their technology too thoroughly.

Z: That was intense! The Minbari lost a little over 600 ships, meaning their military capability for now is severely drained. They figure the price is worth it though, the Empire lost almost 1,800 ships in that blitz attack and they're capital is destroyed!

Kahless: More good news is that the Dominion's advance has been stopped, and turned back in multiple places! The attack was too fast with too little planning and they've lost too many ships to fight an offensive war with the Federation for now. The Empire is definitely sweating after this one, 132,000,000 casualties in a single campaign and the destruction of Coruscant will bring moral to an all-time low and the Rebellion's support to an all-time high. Things are finally starting to look up!

Interested in the kill count?

Ship to ship and ground fighting:
Minbari casualties estimated: 2,000,000
"Other" Interstellar Alliance casualties estimated: 60,000
Alpha Quadrant Alliance casualties estimated: 50,000
Rebellion casualties estimated: 20,000 to 25,000
Imperial casualties estimated: 132,000,000
Transformers confirmed: 2